I am inspired to write again after doing a meditation for motivation and confidence, and reading this insightful article: The Second Phase of the Fascist Invasion by Elad Nehorai - a very smart person who I had the privilege of meeting once or twice. I follow him on social media for balanced and insightful commentary on national and world politics.
Caveat: I have a hard time being consistent with keeping a blog or posting on social media. My motivation waxes and wanes with my mental health, my level of busy-ness, and world events. The honest truth is that sometimes it feels too painful to reveal the truth of what I’m feeling. This resistance to sharing has only increased with the increase of fascism in the country, and with the feeling that I don’t know who I can trust. I’ve been harassed by friends and family for posting Black Lives Matter and Free Palestine. Like anyone, I want to live a life free of harassment and judgment. So I’ve cut back on saying what I really think in favor of keeping the peace. However, I often feel like an imposter, as a writer afraid to write. But then I give myself compassion, and always eventually get back to the page.
The far right wants us to lose hope and succumb to cynicism. I'll admit, I feel my spirit has been drained starting in 2016 with the reality of Trumpism, and then kicked while down with COVID and the insurrection and shootings, and everything that keeps happening, including the war in Ukraine and the genocide in Gaza, and the repeal of Roe v. Wade and the list can go on.
However, like the end of this article proposes, we can't let them win. Sometimes it feels like the hardest thing to do to have a sense of hope, and to follow it with action, but we must.
I've lost family and friends over politics, and the last few years it has been so painful to post because speaking up has always inevitably resulted in personal loss. On top of that, in my professional environments (the ARTS and NONPROFIT sectors) time and time again, I experience either direct or indirect white-person racism (in the spaces that are supposed to be SAFE). Every time I’ve spoken up about it, I face my own demons of anxiety and fear. So much so that it makes me want to withdraw, and hide away from the harsh realities of the conflicts in the world. I am exhausted.
Like this article says, I feel we are in the age of exhaustion. I used to be so optimistic, and I believed in the inherent good of humanity. I believed with the right attitude and imagination, anything was possible. Now, I am not so sure. Homo sapiens is inherently violent, and has from the beginning exterminated all other hominoid species as well as caused innumerable animal species to go extinct. And here we are, facing the worst global crisis in 10,000 years—human-caused climate change—and still, world leaders continue to focus on bombing and destroying entire civilizations of people. It’s absolutely absurd.
There is something deeply ill in our society that needs healing. I've undergone a journey of personal healing over the last 15 years and I am happy to say I feel much more stable, accepting, and loved. However, there was some sort of spark in me that feels like it's been quelled. Some hope. Some inspiration. Something in me that felt like a magical spark of creativity. For the past few years, I feel like I have been faking it. That I am trying to live up to the ideal artist persona, who is strong and resilient and revolutionary, but the truth is, depression and anxiety overtake me more days than not. I suppose I am writing this because I’m exhausted, but I’m also tired of hiding.
I can accept that I feel defeated, but I won’t accept defeat. There is too much at stake with the November election to let my fears silence me. How can the left sustain the level of energy needed to win against the fascists? What do we need to do? What can we do?